Wouldn’t it be great if you could actually say that to someone? Instead, I’ll say it to myself, ten years after my last public post. Have no fear, dear readers, (I’m almost positive you haven’t been waiting with great anticipation) I have continued to write, raise my kids, and evolve through the 15,637 stages of grief (rinse and repeat). Writing has kept my sanity, kept me company, and given me perspective on my “Is it me, or is this world nuts?” helped me to process all the stages and rages, and come back from the brink of foreclosure and health issues. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. Well, that and your gas being shut off for nonpayment and literally no safety net. There have been a number of times in the last 12.5 years that I’ve shaken my fist to the sky and yelled, “Really?! That’s all you got, world? C’mon, bring it! I’ve already seen the worst!” Strangely enough, this seemed to work for me and my bad fortune.
I now reside in Costa Rica, (wth?!-More about that later!) I work at a job that I love, choose happiness and mangoes daily, and have come to terms with getting back on the horse and continuing to live my best life. When you think about it, isn’t that the whole point of why we are here? I remember my late husband saying two things, repeatedly. One was “love is why we are here”, as he lay dying and “live life with no regrets”. What I didn’t realize at that time was that he was saying that to me. My partner was whispering a message from the universe while answering my most fervent question: “What do I do after you’ve gone?” My eyes still tear up remembering that soul-crushing fear. I am still convinced that sweet man had a direct pipeline between heaven and earth.
So I have decided to share my unique voice and perspective in the hopes that someone out there in this big old world will find comfort and meaning in the journey of loss. I also secretly hope my wise-ass humor (perfected as a middle child of an Irish Catholic family from Boston) will bring you a moment of knowing laughter and the acknowledgment of “Yeah, I get that, that’s me.”
While being a Montessori teacher for the last 15 years, all I ever requested in my heart was to have a coworker who would give me the same sideways glance of understanding when something outrageous was happening. (Yup, that Mom is Coo-Coo for Cocoa Puffs-wink, wink) It is my greatest hope I will be that kindred spirit/bestie widowfriend for you Why? Because we can still get to the best part!
Here we go!
Sandy W. aka Livingwinters